Expectations

Lately I have been battling with something: Other People's Expectations.

Growing up as a pastor's kid, I had not only the expectations of my parents, but those of whatever church we were in at the time as well. 

My father's expectations of me-to be a godly young woman, who respected his wishes regarding the male species, and who could be both quiet and ladylike while I rode in muscle cars and learned how to shoot. That last part I'm okay with.

My mother's expectations-to be a musician, a teacher, craft, creative, motherly, a good sister, a confidant, a lady. 

My siblings expectations-fearless, clean, selfless, there. 

Church-perfect, basically. A good singer/musician, a volunteer, a missionary, a teacher, a friend to young and old, biblically a genius...

Teachers-straight A, dedicated. I've been expected to have nearly 7 hours a week for each and every class, and I have 5 classes right now. My music teachers expected at least an hour of practice every single day, and preferred more. I was supposed to have a MINIMUM of nine hours of practice a week for my college music classes. 

Other students/peers-smart, but loose. Dedicated and responsible, but willing to go out and drink on the weekends. 

Employers-expect me to be willing to come in to work at any time, and to put all things aside for my job-even though it isn't my career. Or maybe it is. Barista for life? 

Myself? Who knows. 


For twenty years I've been expected to go to college, get married, have children, be there for friends, family, make good grades, have fun, be this and be that. 

Now I don't even know what to do. I could be a teacher, but I can't. I could be a barista, but no one believes that's good. I could move out...but I can't. I want to teach, but I don't really want to teach. I wanted to open a coffee shop, but I can't do that either. 


Can't?

Or trying to please everyone so much that I'm letting everyone else's expectations of me smother me?

Other people do what they want, aspire to things, and don't let other people get in their way. I try to decide to move out and can't even bring it up because I know my parents wouldn't like it and wouldn't want to support that decision. 

This is just a vent.